Long time, no writey

So the hubby says I should write on my blog more. He's probably right. Not much has changed. Still chugging through medical school. Surgery starts Monday, so the odds that I have more time to blog are slim to none.

On a reflective note, here are a few things I have learned that have surprised me in medical school.
1. When I first started medical school, I was shocked when physicians brushed off patients' complaints or "put off" complaints for another visit. But when you're in clinic and it's 11:30 and you have 5 patients left to see and your afternoon clinic starts at 1, you start prioritizing. A little shocked that even I do this. Could also be that at this level, it's a bit easier to pick out the more benign complaints and put them off.
2. It's easy to fall into the habit of judging patients and their families. When you walk in a room and are immediately assaulted by the acrid smell of smoke and body odor, it's easy for the patients to automatically get put into the lower class slot. I find myself wondering why that mother didn't brush her child's hair before bringing her to the doctor, and don't stop to consider what might have been going on to make that a lower priority. And God forbid I ask her how she's feeling. That's for psychiatrists, right*?
3. I have learned a lot. And I still know so little. It's a little scary to think that in a few years, I will be seeing patients on my own with minimal supervision. That first night on call with an attending at home not wanting to be called - terrifying thought.

I'll get there. First I have to get through surgery.

*Just in case you didn't catch it, I was being sarcastic here. It's part of being a good physician to think about your patients AND their families and do what you can.

I Can't Fix Everyone

My whole life, I have tried to fix people. I rack my brain to come up with a solution for my loved ones when they have a dilemma. All too often, none of them are viable solutions. For example, a friend is working at a job where she is profoundly overworked. I suggested that she put her own limits on how much she can do, and on how much notice she needs to complete a project. This same friend is still being overworked (turning down all of my oh-so-brilliant suggestions). It's extremely frustrating to me when people I know and love have problems that I can't fix, which leads me to wonder - what happens when I am a physician and people come in with problems I can't fix? In neurology (my specialty choice of the day), physicians are often confronted with patients with problems they can't fix. These are extremely devastating neurological illnesses that even with our technology now, we just can't cure. Occasionally there is something we can do to make the symptoms better, but the end comes just the same. So when I see those patients, am I going to come home discouraged and troubled? Or will I get used to it? And which is better - to be desensitized or to constantly ache for my patients? The answer seems clear - there must be some middle ground, but how does one find it?

Bittersweet Holidays

My memories of holidays at home are nothing but good. First of all, waking up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with my siblings. Afterwards, the 6 of us (before my youngest brother came along) sitting around the dining room table having the traditional Southern foods for Thanksgiving - turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, pecan and pumpkin pies. Then we would get together with all of my mom's family and have even MORE food - more turkey, with dressing, giblet gravy, pies, sweet potato casserole, Aunt Belinda's broccoli and cheese casserole. But the holidays this year are different. I am married, and so I have my own family. Last year, we visited both families' houses at Thanksgiving, which required a cross-state trek. However, that leaves us feeling like we haven't even had a holiday. We had to do something different. So thanksgiving for me this year is a get-together with friends and my husband. The food is the same, but we have something missing from Thanksgiving this year - our families. It's a bittersweet holiday. We are making our own pecan pies, and adding some things of our own to the tradition (like Brie en Croute, in the picture above. A wheel of Brie baked in a pastry shell with cherries and pecans - nummy!) In one way, it's fantastic to have my own family to celebrate with. On the other, I miss what came before. Is there a way to merge our own celebration with our families' celebrations? Or are the holidays doomed to always come with that feeling that something's missing?

How do you guys merge your own Thanksgiving with that of your families?

Half?!?!

So my husband directed me to this news article earlier today. It's pretty scary. For those of you who don't want to follow the link, it is a news article entitled, Half of primary care doctors in survey would leave medicine. The jist of it is that half of primary care doctors they surveyed said they would opt to leave medicine in the next 3 years if they had an alternative! As a medical student, this is something that really gives me pause. I am hearing more and more about doctors not wanting to be doctors anymore. This article only addresses the issue in primary care doctors, but the problem is more widespread. There are actually people who go to medical school, see what it's really like, and choose not to go on to residency. There are options such as insurance consultants or pharmaceutical reps in which people would make more or the same money and work less hours. Then there are other options that have nothing to do with medicine - some medical school graduates choose to open their own business. In this news article, it wasn't so much a money issue as it was all the extra paperwork the government has made a part of Medicaid/Medicare. So there are people - the same people who go to medical school because "they want to help people" - realizing what it is really about, and leaving! Guys, this is a big problem! We are already short in this country of primary care doctors. Fewer and fewer medical students are choosing to go into primary care, and more and more primary care doctors are leaving primary care! And in medical school, you can guess how much education we get about issues such as this. That's right - zilch.

Something has to be done. The question is what? Part of Obama's healthcare plan includes switching medical records, billing, etc. to computers. Perhaps that would take care of the paperwork issue, but I don't think that is the only problem here. There are fundamental problems with out healthcare system, and I'm afraid it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

For me personally, this hits close to home. I am really torn at this point between wanting to do primary care and wanting to specialize. Articles such as this make me want to steer clear of primary care - and this is exactly the opposite of what we want medical students to be doing! So what is the solution? Trust me, if I knew, I wouldn't be putting it on this little blog. How about you guys? Any comments on the healthcare system or how it should be changed?

For every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows

So it was pouring down rain as I left for school today. My main concern: protect the precious hair! Getting to school looking like a drowned rat is just not on my list of things I like to do. Umbrellas are a huge hassle to try to carry around all day, since I've already got a bag full of books and a computer to carry around, but I had to have some kind of protection. So I had on a hoodie - hood on, completely zipped up. I probably looked like a thug. So simply walking to my car had me frustrated and grumpy - it is just not possible to avoid every large drop of water that may wet hair through a hood. As I was driving to school, though, I saw something that gave me pause. There was a gentleman walking down the sidewalk in the rain. Perhaps he forgot his umbrella, you say? No, he had an umbrella. But it was dangling by his side as he sauntered along, ostensibly enjoying the rain. I'm going to say that again: enjoying the rain. It made me think back to all the times as a child that I went out to play in the rain, usually along with a sister or brother or two. So many happy memories! I loved when it rained! We would play outside for hours, getting soaking wet, playing make-believe. I wonder, what happens to us as we "grow up" that causes rain to go from a fun play thing to a nuisance? We just don't have time any longer to stop and smell the roses or enjoy the rain. I have resolved to care a little less about my appearance next time it rains, and maybe even stop and take time to enjoy it.

Anyone else have any fun childhood memories of the rain?

P.S. Sorry for the rough photo and title - I'm still working on it!
P.P.S. Photo was taken from http://www.flickr.com/photos/nickwheeleroz/2469056619/.

Introduction

Hello! Welcome to my blog!

While writing this, I sat for a minute just staring at those words. What to say?

It may come as a surprise to some of you that I am doing this. I am generally a fairly private person, and it goes a bit contrary to my nature to expose my thoughts to strangers, and even worse, those I know! So bear with me.

It seems to have become "cool" or the "thing to do" recently to start a blog. But that's not why I started one. I'm a 24 year old married female in my second year of medical school. There are so many things that happen in my life that make me angry, sad, or just make me think. Sometimes it's a patient I come into contact with, or something I see on the news. Whatever the precipitating event, it always seems to somehow help to write about it (I refuse to use the word "blog" as a verb.) So that is what this blog is about - just my thoughts, and perhaps sometimes a way to see what other people think about these topics. Sometimes it may be controversial. Whatever the topic, I promise to be as honest as I possibly can about it.